They have been brainwashed into believing that they can only have value by being with the abuser, and no one else can ever love them.
In fact, some victims of abuse have come to believe that the abuse is a sign of love, and would never want anything “bad” to happen to the abuser – that is why they would push away, or even fight; all those who would want to assist them leave the relationship.
An example is that of a young lady, who was around 23 years of age, whom we tried to assist to leave her abusive relationship. She was seemingly intelligent, and we managed to get her a job and a small cottage so that when she leaves the abusive relationship, she would be able to take care of her children and herself.
However, whenever she left her partner, sooner rather than later, we would hear reports that she had voluntarily returned to him – and the cycle of abuse would start all over again.
When we asked her why she had returned, she would say that the partner had promised her that he had changed, and she had believed him.
Of course, he would behave as if he had changed for a few days, weeks, or even months, only go back to his old ways once he felt comfortable again.
What perturbed us the most was not the fact that she had returned to the abuser, but that she repeated this time and time again, despite the fact that it was now clear that he would never change…and his promises to change were all a bunch of lies.
She would tell of how, whenever she left him, he would approach her with gifts, and how he would apologise and cry like a baby, whilst promising to get help for his anger, and how he would give excuses as to why he had anger issues.
The abusive partner would even agree to seek counselling and actually attend the sessions.
However, this change never seemed to last, as he would eventually revert to abusing her, whilst blaming her for his relapse.
Nevertheless, after all that help we tried to offer her, and till the time I left that organisation after two years…she kept going back to him!
In fact, she ended up resenting our assistance, as somehow he had managed to convince her that we were the enemies, who were jealousy of their relationship and were trying to ruin it!
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